Troubled Waters, Part I
A Year With The Hanged Man
This article corresponds with TABI’s World Tarot Podcast on The Hanged Man. You can hear my account of a year with The Hanged Man and listen to my discussion with Victoria and Gwen about this complex card.
In early 2024, I began constructing a series for my Substack and social media about the Elemental Trumps, which are those cards of the Major Arcana with only an element as their astrological attribution. I intended to release this in four parts, one for each element, in the same progression as the trump cards. In the series, I envisioned The Fool, the Elemental Trump of Air, on his journey through the cards with the other Elemental Trumps (The Hanged Man, Judgement, and The World) being seen as milestone experiences.
I completed the study of The Fool, Elemental Trump of Air, and learned some very interesting things about the etymology of the word “fool” and much of the symbolism in the card. My experience while studying this card was like the card’s meaning: full of new information, engaging, fascinating, adventurous, and fun!
Feeling quite satisfied with my study of The Fool, I moved on to the next Element Trump, The Hanged Man. I saw the Hanged Man as the first milestone on The Fool’s Journey. I envisioned the confusion this upside-down figure caused after all the previous upright figures of the Major Arcana, similar to when Alice encounters the Caterpillar.
I quickly realized that this Elemental Trump of Water would be more of a challenge than the previous card. I began, as always, with The Book of Thoth, but finding Crowley’s writing on this card to be lengthy and somewhat cryptic, which I usually welcome as an opportunity to research further. But, at the time, it seemed vague; I stumbled on dead ends, and my brain turned to liquid. I decided to move on and return to TBOT after further research.
Moving through trusted study resources, I continued to have similar experiences—each author depicting a different world that The Hanged Man inhabits. I found a few common themes regarding symbolism, and my attention began to focus on a couple in particular: baptism and sacrificial gods.
With so much history, so many myths, and more connections than I could easily file in my spreadsheets, I began to feel drowned in information. I wanted to take a break from the project, but with my desire to work still strong, I chose to focus on the next Elemental Trump, Judgement, and the Element of Fire. I began my research, but no inspiration hit, and I tried to focus again on The Hanged Man. This is where I got stuck and completely abandoned all the half-written posts and unedited video footage.
During this time, Gwen from Keys To The Kingdom asked if I would like to be a guest on TABI’s Tarot Worlds Podcast. The theme was the Major Arcana, and I was presented with a handwritten list of Trumps that hadn’t already been chosen for an episode. Gwen suggested I choose Art/Temperance since I am a Sagittarian, but The Hanged Man caught my attention when I looked at the list. She told me it wouldn’t be until sometime in 2025, so I was sure this would be enough time to complete my study of The Hanged Man. I put the Hanged Man aside, trusting that later in the year, my approaching deadline for the podcast would ensure I finished my study.
Troubled Waters
I should know by now that my curiosity is often more than a passing fancy. Sometimes, it’s a nudge from inside, pointing to a door to a new world. Sometimes, my curiosity is so loud that I can see a path carved specifically for me. And then, sometimes, I find things curious, not knowing why until I have a related experience much later. The latter is how the Hanged Man presented himself to me. I had so focused my study on baptism and the “dying god” aspects of this card’s meaning that I didn’t see the foreboding message that was there all along in the Hanged Man’s alternate title: The Drowned Man.
Since the Hanged Man presented himself to me, my life has experienced some troubled waters, both metaphorically and literally. Witnessing the death of a close friend, the birth of a grandchild, leaving a job that was drowning me in responsibilities, a never-ending bathroom restoration, teaching Qabalistic workshops, returning to ballet after many years, identity theft, and living through the greatest catastrophic natural disaster in my city’s history—a flood that left us without power and clean water for an extended period of time and from which we will be recovering for years to come. The number of life-changing events was more than I could mentally keep up with and culminated in a case of stress-induced Shingles at the end of it all. Feeling drowned, I dropped out of social media, tarot studies, and everything that wasn’t a mundane survival task.
Through it all, water was always a struggle. The bathroom restoration left me without a shower, just a tub to bathe in for months. Then, the flood tore up our streets and bridges, making driving anywhere challenging and leaving us without clean running water for more months. Finally, the shingles made bathing and washing my hair particularly difficult for quite some time.
A year later, as the deadline for the podcast is approaching, I can say that I finally know The Hanged Man. Before my year with The Hanged Man, I saw this card as representing a leap in enlightenment, giving over to a higher self/power, and all of the obvious connotations regarding the symbolism of baptism and sacrificial gods. As I began correlating my experiences with the academic meanings of the Hanged Man, I read the divinatory meaning from the Golden Dawn’s Book T. I was in tears reading the simple sentences before me.
“Hanged Man or Drowned Man: Enforced sacrifice. Punishment, loss. Fatal and not voluntary. Suffering generally.”
How did this foreboding message escape me? I know I must have read it. If I think about it, I realize that amidst the rough waters of this year, I was merely grasping at the shattered pieces of my shipwrecked life as I tried to stay afloat. I am still uncertain whether I chose the path of the Hanged Man or if it chose me. It’s a blur. But that’s the lesson of the Hanged Man. Is he reversed or not? This question holds the meaning. There is no answer.
Further in my research, I found this story in The Magical Tarot of the Golden Dawn by Pat Zalewski and Chris Zalewski that shares my experience with The Hanged Man:
“…in a reading, the Hanged Man came up in a travel position with the 3 of Disks accompanying. The middle-aged couple being read for were going on holiday and were informed that there was much water where they were headed; they would travel over that water and, at times, be in the water. They were warned of danger. They said this was impossible as they were traveling only over land and only crossing a few rivers, although they might do a bit of swimming. Months later, they returned and reported that they, in fact, did make the trip and were surrounded by water. The region they traveled to had severe floods and continuous downpouring of rain. They had indeed felt as if they were in danger the whole time while making their way through the deep floods.” [edited for readability]1
On the Tree of Life, the path of the Hanged Man is situated between Hod and Geburah. I am an 8 of Wands, Mercury in Sagittarius, fiery intellect, and Hod, where all the Eights of the tarot live, is my happy home. I feel as though I dipped a foot in to test the waters in the river of The Hanged Man and was swept away in the rushing currents, landing miles away in a dystopian Geburah surrounded by destruction, debris, chaos, and authoritarianism. How do I get back? I don’t. That’s not how things work on The Tree of Life. I suppose it’s time to get to know my new Geburian landscape through the Fives of the Tarot, whose home this is: Strife, Disappointment, Defeat, and Worry, and then choose a road out. Will it be Justice, Strength, or The Chariot? What do you think? Let me know in the comments.
In Troubled Waters, Part II: A Look at The Hanged Man of the Tarot, I will take a less personal and more academic look at the symbolism and attributes behind one of the most challenging cards in the deck.
Zalewski, Chris, and Pat Zalewski. 2019. The Magical Tarot of the Golden Dawn: Divination, Meditation and High Magical Teachings. Aeon Books. https://spirit.aeonbooks.co.uk/product/the-magical-tarot-of-the-golden-dawn/93279.
wow. the hanged man embodied. thank you for this vulnerable, beautiful, and informative piece.